Tainted Affections
by RuikaRose
Summary: Za. One night with a heavy heart Mello leaves his lover Matt, only to be reunited a few years later with a man very different to the one he left. Romance.


**AN: I got challenged by my friend B-chan to write some of her favourite Japanese foods into my next oneshot, considering I wrote about onigiri in my last one. She asked me to mention ramen (type of noodles, pretty common snack in Japan) and mochi (small sweet Japanese rice cake). However, my apologies to her, because I ended up writing this story in a very different style to my normal oneshots, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Please wait until my next LxLight fanfiction to see your delightful foods get mentioned! :)**

**--**

It was nighttime. The room was solitary and silent, too dark even for shadow. Mello leaned over the figure in the bed, his blonde hair falling gently over his shoulders. Neither frowning nor smiling, he gazed pensively at the other man's sleeping face, his eyes shining with unexpressed emotion.

His hand reaching out almost tentatively, he softly brushed away some of the auburn strands that had fallen to hide the man's eyes. Mello rested his hand lightly on his forehead, and his eyes shined brighter. The expression on this man's face was much too sweet for one who had killed, one who knew he may be killed. It was beyond beautiful.

The man stirred, and shifted in his sleep, clutching unconsciously at Mello's shirt and curling towards him, seeking a familiar warmth. Mello started slightly and relaxed when he saw that he was still asleep. Lovingly he stroked the top of his head to soothe him, a steady rhythm. The hands loosened as he was lulled into a deeper sleep.

There was the sudden sound of a breeze rustling the leaves of a tree outside, and Mello withdrew his hand quickly, his eyes seeking out the source of the noise. Without thought the hand that had caressed so kindly reached to grasp the gun resting on the bedside table. Realising what the disruption had been, he looked at the weapon with an expression of sadness and despair.

Mello stood, and his face appeared tormented when the man shifted again, missing the warmth his presence his brought. He lifted the gun and slipped it easily into the worn leather holder at his waist. Turning back to his companion he watched him in his discomfort for a few moments before pulling the blanket over him gently. The still-sleeping man settled.

"_It can't matter what we do now. We, all human beings, are redeemed by our honest desires." _He had said this once with a smile, as the bloodied body of another man had fallen to the ground before him. Mello had spoken nothing in return, at that moment feeling the shame that came with the knowledge that it had been he who had ruined this kind-hearted man.

Leaning over him for a final time, Mello's lips brushed his forehead lightly. In that kiss was all the goodbyes, apologies, pleas he had never been able to voice, all the emotion he had never been able to express, all the tears he had never been able to shed. "I wonder if that is the truth," he whispered as he moved away, his tone measured and one of doubt.

Leaving the man to his slumber, he rose and walked silently to the door. The light that shone through when it was opened spun shadows on the sleeping man's face, that disappeared when it clicked shut quietly.

-

The clear sound of a gunshot rang out in the despairing silence of the stretching hallways.

Mello's expression became pained with recognition of the figure who had saved him. "Sometimes I wonder," the red haired man strode towards him confidently, a twisted smile on his face and smoking gun in his hand. "If, by leaving me all those years ago, you thought you were helping me."

His footsteps echoed, each one piercing Mello's heart, and he glanced away from the clearly angered man in an attempt to compose himself. It was a useless effort, the man grabbed his chin easily and forced him to meet his gaze. "And then I realize," the man continued, his cruel smile so different to the one that Mello remembered. "My lover could never be that stupid."

At the feel of his lips against his, Mello felt himself losing once again to the feelings that he had tried so hard to forget. They were threatening to overwhelm him but he could not fight against his old companion, though his aggressive hold was painful.

The kiss was bruising and he tasted blood, wincing when the man roughly pulled him closer. This man was so different to the kind, gentle lover he remembered; this man was harsh and bitter, and the look in his eyes hinted at inner wounds. Finally he was released, almost pushed away and faced with his intense glare.

"Matt…" Mello spoke weakly, too surprised and vulnerable to say anything more. The red haired man seemed oddly pleased by this reaction, and turned his attention to the bleeding body on the ground beside them. He inspected the dead man for a moment, before scowling at him and kicking at his blank, lifeless form in anger.

Matt turned to Mello again, and appeared to wait for him to speak. The blonde was incapable of it, his mind still in shock at not only the appearance of his once lover but at the extent to which he had changed. Trying desperately to order his thoughts, he stared blankly and was startled by the feel of blood welling from the cut on his lip.

Without thought his hand rose from his side, moving towards his wound meekly. It was stopped suddenly by Matt's strong grip, and Mello looked at him in confusion when he leaned in intimately close. With the tip of his exposed tongue he gently licked away the warm blood. "Anything of Mello's is mine," he told him, a trace of laughter in his emerald eyes, though his expression was serious. "Even Mello himself."

"_We are redeemed by our honest desires. So it doesn't matter if we sin, as long as our motives are pure."_

To his intense humiliation Mello felt tears begin to flood his eyes. He shut them tightly, his brow furrowed and his breath catching. "Matt," he told the other man as grieving tears began to stream down his cheeks despite himself. "I love you, I love you so much, but I just ruin you." He raised one hand, trembling with the sudden relief of long-suppressed emotion, and rested it without thought against his forehead in an expression of complete despair.

If anything the flood of tears worsened when Matt wrapped his arms around him, and he found himself crying on his lover's shoulder. "If all I can do in loving you is ruin you, then what is the point of it?" His breaths were wretched, and his hands curled tightly into the fabric that rested on his shoulders.

Matt rubbed his back gently, and moved slightly to kiss Mello's tear-drenched cheek. "Mello," he spoke softly into his hair. "I was tainted the moment I met you. You…you're almost like a poison, I needed to change for the worse, to get hurt to have you, but it became a sweet addiction." He pulled him into a tighter embrace. "By leaving me all I could do was find other poisons to keep myself alive. Hatred, anger…"

"And I did it all," Mello said mournfully, burying his face into his shoulder. At this Matt, placing his hand under his chin again, this time with care, tilted his head and kissed him. Mello surrendered himself to it, closing his eyes and returning the caress. It was a much longer embrace than their first one had been, and when they parted Matt looked at him and spoke quite seriously, "I love you."

Mello faltered under his gaze, and rubbed his aching eyes with one hand. "How could you?"

"Indulge me."

His lover said nothing for a few moments, watching him with a mixed expression of hesitation and vulnerability. Finally he lowered his head a little and nodded. Exultant, Matt grinned and pulled him back into a loving embrace. Mello sighed into his shoulder, glad for the familiar feeling of being surrounded by his arms.

"I really love you, you know."

"I know. And thankyou so much for that, Matt."

--

**AN: I felt that I should really do a MelloxMatt fanfiction, seeing as I've written about most of the other pairings for these characters. It felt so different to me as an author...I really enjoyed writing it, a breath of fresh air in between harmless comedy pieces. :)**

**This pairing, unlike the others, seems to me the most romantic. I think it's because the two justify each other, if that makes any sense. **


End file.
